When Jesus first put it on our heart to adopt I had two main fears. One was ~ would this take away from our 3 biological children in any way? That answer came right away as we have seen what a blessing this has already been for us all! The second fear was ~ would I be able to love an adopted child as I do our other three? Well, right when the Lord placed this precious girl on our hearts it felt instantly as if she was ours and I can honestly say that the love in our hearts became as real and deep for her as it is for our sweet three.......
And that is where our hurt comes from right now - we found out yesterday that she has been placed with another family. Our hearts are aching and broken but filled with so much hope and rejoicing that there will soon be 1 less orphan!!! We were called to love this child as our own - He made that very clear. We were called to pursue adopting her - and we have. This was His plan all along.
We do not understand. We do not have the answers.
But we DO trust Him - we DO know His plans are best.
He is fully in control and His Ways are SO far above our ways.
He is in the midst of all of our pain and all of our questions. Yesterday as I began to pray through this I cried out, "Jesus, why does this hurt so much? We never even held her but we so believed that she was ours and I let my heart fully love her. Lord, You woke me in the night sometimes to pray fervently for her, just as I would our other three. My heart is aching so much and I feel like I can't fully breathe."
And then I remembered my prayer from the very beginning of this adoption, "Lord, break our hearts for what breaks Yours. Break our hearts until we are moved to action! Break our hearts for the lost and the least. Our lives are not our own - let us live as Your Hands and Feet here on earth."
I really want to protect our children from pain and from hard stuff - it's our natural instinct as parents. So it is hard to see them hurting. But way more than that I want to see Christ formed in them. I want them to consider everything a loss compared to knowing Jesus (Philippians 3:7-10). I want them (all of us) to be His Hands and Feet - going where He goes and loving as He loves. And the truth is, Jesus is in the hard stuff, He is in the pain...He is in all things. The millions and millions of orphans who lie alone in a crib or orphanage, hungry and lonely but silent because no one comes when they cry... the tens of thousands of children who die every day from preventable diseases ... the countless widows who are all alone... the millions of children being trafficked and kept as slaves ....
~ Jesus is there ~ He is with them!
And I believe that as Christ followers He calls us to go there with Him - to enter into pain, into injustice. We are the only hands and feet in which His Spirit can flow through to reach a lost and broken world.
He called us to love and pray for this orphan as our own until she had a family of her own. Now we trust Him to continue leading us and I continue to beg Him, Lord, break our hearts for what breaks Yours - break us until we are moved to action. Let us not be deceived and think our lives are meant for us. They are not - our lives are not our own. You died so that we may live (abundantly now and eternally with You in Heaven - John 10:10). So we are to live fully for You now! You are LIGHT in darkness; when we cannot see, You light the way. You make beauty from ashes! So we give You this pain and trust You fully and thank You for the beauty that comes from following You - even into the hard places. And we say, "Lord, we are willing to follow You wherever" - but we know that it is even Your grace that makes us willing.
And thank You for JOY in the midst of hurting - joy that is a steady assurance that You are good ALL the time! Joy that brings hope and reminds us that YOU are all that we need. Joy that believes that with You ALL things are possible and nothing is too hard for You!
We praise You - You give and You take away and all things work together for the good of those who love You. You are above all and over all and in all and we trust You!
So we lay this precious one that You have called us to love as our own for this time in her life at Your Feet and ask above all that she will grow to know You and Your amazing love for her! Jesus, thank You that You set the lonely in families!!! (Psalm 68:6)
