Kaylee Grace's Care Package

We were SO excited to get to send off our care package this weekend ;)

Here are some of the items that we sent: Goodnight Moon (recordable book where I got to record my voice reading to her! Another adoptive mom who is adopting a little girl from Kaylee's orphanage gave me this idea), a couple of toys, soft blanket, lovey, footie pj's, socks, toddler toothbrush and toothpaste, disposable camera (hoping that they will take some pictures of her over these next couple of months and then they give it to us when we get her!), and the soft photo book with our family pictures in it ;)

 Here are some close-ups of the book:

Dear Jesus, we pray in Your Holy Name that You will so knit our hearts with Kaylee Grace's heart as we wait to hold her. We pray that Your Holy Spirit will SO cover her and that she will become so familiar with Your Spirit surrounding her... so that when we get there and get to hold her we will feel strangely familiar to her as she senses Your Spirit in us!!!

And here are the kids and Brodie in front of the post office 

The postal lady let them decorate the box too!

Wo ai ni means "I love you" in chinese

You will love our jiating (our family) ;)

We love you, Kaylee Grace! We can't wait to hold you and pour the love of Jesus into you :)

Introducing...Kaylee Grace!!! We got PA!!

 Here are the first pictures that we saw of her (her referral pictures): (To read more on her story click here and here)...

"You whom I have upheld since you were conceived,
and have carried since your birth.
Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am He, who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
Isaiah 46: 3-4

Lord Jesus, thank You that You have upheld Kaylee since she was conceived! You have carried her since her birth! It is You who will sustain her - You have made her and You will carry her. You will sustain her and You will rescue her. We rejoice in You; 

the God who rescues and saves and heals! 

These are the pictures we got from when our agency went with their team as part of the orphanage partnership program that we are in. 

We can't wait to get there and pour the LOVE of Jesus into her!!!

LOI (letter of intent)

Last Friday (11/9) was the day that we officially submitted our LOI (letter of intent) to adopt this sweet little one. Brodie and I woke up the Thursday morning before and as I mentioned in our last post, we were really wrestling with the doctors reports that we had received and what we thought the Lord was pressing on our hearts. We were praying for clarity - we prayed together and then each had our own time seeking the Lord. As Brod was praying, he saw this sweet one sitting in the room in which we saw her in the pictures and he saw a very bright light shinning on her. He also saw joy on her. He felt as if Jesus was showing him that His light is on her and He will fill her with joy.

Earlier that morning as I prayed, I felt as if I could see a door opened with God's Hand welcoming us in - we couldn't see anything through the door - everything was unknown...all we knew was that God was inviting us in; inviting us on a journey where we would see His glory. We had the freedom to choose whether we went or not - it was our choice and He wouldn't be upset if we didn't. But if we didn't, we would miss experiencing Him in this way. It was an invitation - not a demand or something we were being told to obey. I felt as if the Lord was saying, "Come with Me on this journey, take My Hand and come and see My Glory!"

We have to "officially" transfer agencies (which we are already in the process of) and then we will wait for PA (pre-approval). Once we receive PA we wait for LOA (letter of acceptance) - this is the one that usually takes the longest to receive -  in which we will be officially approved to adopt this particular girl. Then we have a couple of other quick approvals and we will be off to China :)

Just like every other adoptive parent, we are praying that we will get these approvals quickly and be able to travel soon - especially since she is already over 2! We know that the first 3 years are SO critical in brain development so we are asking the Lord to make a way for us to get there soon and begin forming those critical attachments. Above all, we know that HE alone has carried her since HE knit her in her mother's womb and HE WILL continue to carry her throughout her whole life! His timing is perfect ;)

Over the last week we have researched and gathered so much information that has been helpful in getting us prepared to bring our sweet one home - our agency has been so wonderful in helping us!

We will post some pictures of what we've been up to this last week once we have some down time next week before Thanksgiving ;)

Adoption Update!!!

This journey has been long and beautiful in every way. We wouldn't trade all that we have learned and all the ways that God has grown each one of us. It's been nearly a year and a half of waiting but we are finally matched with a precious little girl who is desperately in need of God's love and a family to hold her. Here is a copy of an email we sent out to friends/family earlier today...

We received a referral on Tuesday (11/6) of a 28-month precious little girl! Let me back up a few months - both Brodie and I have been feeling the Lord open our hearts to more difficult special needs. Constantly being reminded that our lives are not our own and that we are to count everything a loss compared to knowing Jesus.  The needs of this little girl were greater than we had originally felt comfortable with and as the social worker described her file to us over the phone, both Brodie and I felt excited but anxious. Her needs that are listed are, "polydactyly (extra thumb on each hand), strabismus (crossed/lazy eyes) and mild cerebral palsy". 

After our social worker read her file to us she explained that her greatest need is that she is coming from a welfare institution where the kids are severely neglected and malnourished. Never held. No toys at all. Only touch is an occasional diaper change. Even their bottles are propped up for feedings. ;(   I said to our social worker, "I know you pray over each child's file - what made you choose us for this little girl?" She said that she knew that this child was going to need extra love and compassion and she thought of our family, she felt that not many families would have the compassion it will take to love and nurture her little life. This immediately reminded me that this process is not about us or what we want or imagine- it's about a child that God is asking us to love; it's about His glory. Our lives are not our own.

We prayed before we looked at the file where we would first see her pictures. As Brodie prayed I sensed the Lord asking me in my spirit, "Will you be My Hands and Feet to her?" In my heart I said yes but was fearful. I asked the Lord for something - a birthdate that stuck out, a name, anything significant where we would know it was our daughter right away. We opened the file - nothing stood out. Her picture was so sad- she looked SO sad and hopeless. Our kids were 100% in from the second they saw her picture. I sat them down and explained what her needs may look like for our family- that just made them want to get her and love her more. 

Brodie and I processed and decided to have some doctors look at the file. The first Dr that got back to us was our friend - he mentioned the possibility of her symptoms being related to some type of syndrome. This took us a couple of steps back. The next Dr was even more concerned - very concerned. She said the chances were too great that these symptoms were related something life threatening down the road. She advised us not to move forward.  

We sat our kids down again - we explained in great detail what the doctors were concerned about. Again they were even more sure that we should go get her and love her. Kennady said, "Mom, we can't just leave her there! She could just die there - if we get her then at least we can tell her about Jesus and she will get to go to Heaven." (Whew! God's love is fierce! Just the thought that He would love this precious girl enough that He may call us to bring her into our home to love on and teach her about Jesus so that she can spend eternity with Him!)  The boys agreed. Brodie and I wrestled. On one hand we knew what we were to do - on the other we were so fearful of all the unknowns. It's so crazy because we went right into protective mode for our other 3 kids - like we wanted to protect them from the potential of such deep pain. Brodie wanted to protect me. We needed a clear Word! If He said Go, we would Go.

Yesterday we finally talked to a Dr who went to China to visit her in April (she lives in America and volunteers her time to go overseas and examine these children for our agency so that they can give us a more accurate report). She believes that she is developmentally so far behind due to her neglectful environment and lack of stimulation. She is the size of a 12 mo old and is 28 mo. They put her at 9 mo developmentally. She feels that this precious child will THRIVE when in a loving home!!! She feels that she did not see any indication of any type of syndrome. She said that on day 1 of her visit she was very concerned about this precious one - no eye contact, non-responsive, they got nothing out of her. Day 2 they went in and she smiled and made eye contact (this was HUGE progress and made her feel like this girl is so far behind because of environment and severe neglect). **Sidenote: It is such a praise that they went back the 2nd day - most of the time they only get 1 day to evaluate these little ones but in this rare case they were able to go back a 2nd day - which gave them a better chance to see each of the kids and what a difference 1 day made for most every one of them! This gave the doctors confidence that environment was a HUGE factor in why these kids were so delayed**  She is not even on the chart for height or weight BUT her head is on the chart and has tracked really well which leads this doctor to believe that her growth delays are due to malnutrition and what little nutrition she is getting is going to her brain. She feels that the cp diagnosis could very well be that she has spent 28 months in a crib and she may not even have it. She gave us a game plan for the first 3 months of having her home to begin to catch her up and felt really HOPEFUL and even SURE that she will start to blossom once she has love. 

All I can say is that we got off that call and both felt complete PEACE about going forward. Our fears turned to great excitement! We are realistically knowing that this will be a ton of work - our kids are fully aware of what this looks like and we all couldn't feel more ready to start being Jesus' Hands and Feet to her!!! For now we feel led to not even label her with ANYTHING (of course the doctors here will know all they need to from her medical file). But we're feeling led to just get her home and love on her and give her a chance to begin to be all that God created her to be with no labels.  If after being loved on for some time she still has symptoms then we know she will have wonderful care here at Children's Hospital and God will use all that He has chosen her to be for His glory! We just want to give her a chance and see what a difference LOVE makes - we are aware and prepared for what to be cautious about and whatever God has for this precious little one, we will trust Him and His great plan. He is good! 

So now we will submit our letter to adopt her and have a series of approvals to get through which will take about 3-4 months and then we get to go get her :) We will post pictures as soon as we receive "pre-approval" (which could take a few weeks since we have to officially finish transferring agencies).

We will spend the next few months preparing by studying more about attachment and bonding for these little ones who come from such extreme conditions. And we will continue to PRAY that the Holy Spirit will knit our hearts with hers so that she feels His love and peace right away when we hold her. We are trusting God for a miracle to bring wholeness in this child's life in every way!

Even after we sent this email out, another doctor called us who had reviewed her file and expressed his concerns for our family moving forward with this sweet one. For a moment fear tried to creep back in but right away we stood firm in the PEACE that THE GOD WHO CREATED HER gave us yesterday...His plans are always BEST - they may not look best or feel best...but they ARE best!!! Here is the verse that I am clinging to right now:

"The fruit of righteousness will be peace; 

the effect of righteousness will be quietness and assurance forever." 

Isaiah 32:17

A commentary from M. Henry on this verse said this: Quietness and assurance forever... that is, a holy serenity and security of mind, by which the soul enjoys itself and enjoys its God, and it is not in the power of this world to disturb it in those enjoyments.

In other words, when we have this holy serenity and security of mind that ONLY Jesus can give us, our soul is so at rest, so filled with enjoyment that even the worries of this world will not and cannot disturb the peace He fills our souls with when we rest in Him and follow His Way of Righteousness. 

We were able to experience this peace, this assurance today when the "power of this world" came to disturb our peace and assurance and that peace and assurance He has given us was so real and so true that although it stumbled for a moment, it was not disturbed. Thank You Jesus that You are far above the ways of this world - Your Ways are not our own!

Update ~ What We've Been Up To and Adoption

Whew ~ somehow time flies by so fast! Here's a bit of what we've been up to...

We had our last Lake Day before we pulled the boat out for the year :)

Sissy has been cheering and doing Volley Ball

Keeg started Cross County

Both of the boys started Flag Football which they of course LOVE!! Here is Kols with his friend from school

Sis and her friend, Emma, are making yummy eggs :)

Sis and Keeg got their braces OFF!!!

I went with Sissy and all the 6th Graders to Sonora!!!

Sis and Mia are getting ready to head out :)

All the girls in our group

And here we are with all the Moms

Being silly :)

Breakfast time!

Pancakes were their favorite breakfast ;)

So blessed to spend such quality time with Sis!

Here are the girls with their favorite teacher from the whole camp ;)

On the adoption front ~ we are still waiting :)  We have been told by Lifeline (our agency that we LOVE!) that the files from the Orphanage Partnership are slowly trickling in and we should know who our daughter is soon! We know that God has a great plan and we are excited to continue to see it unfold!!!

Adoption Update

We've had a full week on the adoption front...it all started with a dream that I had on Sunday night. I was in a room with a bunch of kids who all had the same shirts on. I realized that they were all orphans and in my dream I heard God say to me, "Will you take care of the least of these for Me? The very least of these... and show them My love." In my dream I said, "Yes, Lord, just show me what to do." Then I woke up.

The name on their shirts kept coming back to my mind all day the next day so I finally looked it up to see if it was a real organization - I had not heard of it before. Well, it is a real organization...and not only that, it is a home for special needs orphans in China! I was blown away so I called Brod and told him all about my dream. He looked it up and called. The most wonderful lady answered and was so helpful to him. From listening to where we were at in the process and how long we'd been waiting, she sensed that something was up and encouraged us to find out about a couple of things.

Well, our facilitator was going to be in town 2 days later and she agreed to meet with us regarding some of our concerns. This spurred our agency on to meet with us beforehand and let us know that they had recently found out that our agency had been on probation and unable to lock any children's files since around January. We were shocked! But immediately we knew and trusted that God was up to something and still ENTIRELY in control. So, we called the helpful lady back from the organization in my dream and asked her where she thought we should go from here. She had 3 GREAT (almost too great because it was hard to decide) agencies for us to look into. We loved them all but ultimately felt a bit more led to one so we switched today and we are really excited!!! We know and trust that God has a great plan...He has already chosen our daughter since before time began and nothing can stop His perfect plan from unfolding.

 I had a friend remind me of a book called When Life and Beliefs Collide which says, "If God is Sovereign, then plan B is a myth. No matter how dark things look to us, or how big the mess we're in, we're in plan A." (p.72)  "We run a planned race." (p. 70)  What a great reminder! Brodie and I were really praying through where the Lord was leading us and really wanting to hear clearly...and the reminder that we cannot mess up His plans no matter what we do came at just the right time! If we are seeking Him, He will honor that - He knows how we want what HE wants more than anything! It helped us to walk in the direction that we were most feeling led to and just
REST and TRUST in Him for the rest!

Things should be switched by next week and we will move forward from there!

"God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
thought its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells."

Psalm 46: 1-4

Another update...

Last Wednesday we received another precious referral. She was a 10 month old girl with Clubfoot. We had her file locked for 72 hours for medical review. We sent it out to 3 different doctors and we began to pray. We really felt open to her need and excited about her and we decided that we would proceed forward, thinking that this may be the child that God has chosen for us. We asked HIM to open or close the door and give us wisdom based on HIS Will. Well, the very next day (just a few hours before we were about to submit our Letter of Intent to adopt her) we opened our email and our agency let us know that the Chinese Government had done something they had never seen them do - they pulled her file even though we had it locked and placed her with another family who had been following her for a few months. We took that as a clear "No" and we praised HIM who knows ALL THINGS! He already knows our daughter and He made it clear to us that that precious little one is not ours...
and the best part is that He gave her another family!

Friday morning I woke up and felt that Jesus wanted us to gather together and pray with others. So we sent out a few quick texts to a few friends that we thought may be available with such short notice and had them over to pray. We praised HIS Name and worshiped Him...we prayed whatever we felt Him put on our hearts, both for our adoption and for others in the room.

Mostly we just came back to praising and worshiping Him.

Our friend, Jon, shared from 2 Chronicles 20 where King Jehoshaphat was told that a vast army was coming against God's people, so he called a fast and began to praise God. He prayed, "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You." (v.12)  Then the LORD raised up a prophet to speak. He said, "This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. Tomorrow march down against them...You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you.' " (v. 14-17)

So early in the morning they rose and Jehoshaphat "appointed men to sing to the LORD and to praise Him for the splendor of His holiness as they went out at the head of the army saying: 'Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever.' " (v. 21)

"As they began to sing and praise, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated. The men of Ammon and Moab rose up against the men from Mount Seir to destroy and annihilate them. After they finished slaughtering the men from Seir, they helped to destroy one another. When the men of Judah came to the place that overlooks the desert and looked toward the vast army, they saw only dead bodies lying on the ground; 
no one had escaped." (v. 24)

We all agreed that this is what we felt Jesus did as we all gathered to praise Him...as we worshiped His Name, He accomplished more behind the scenes than we will probably ever know! There is  power in the Name of Jesus! And there is power in PRAISING HIS HOLY NAME!!!  I have no idea what He did on Friday night as we gathered, but I know that He moved mountains in our adoption process - we could feel His Spirit moving mightily!!! He is good all the time :-)

"Ah, Sovereign LORD, You have made the Heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for You." Jeremiah 32:17

Adoption Update

We received a referral of a beautiful and precious little girl (12 months old) the other day. She had a cleft lip and cleft palate which would need to be repaired once she got home. We prayed about it and right away we felt the Lord pressing on our hearts to wait and to trust Him. So we called our agency and let them know that we did not feel that she was our daughter. We feel clearly that for right now we are to
"wait" and to "trust". So that is what we are doing  :)

Dear Jesus, please provide a family for that sweet little one.

Jesus is clearly at work...this is not looking at all like what we thought it would. But we feel a TREMENDOUS peace and excitement for what He has ahead. And in this time of waiting, He is drawing our hearts even closer to His ~ and nothing is better than that!

Dear Jesus, we praise You that You are Holy and good and that You hold all things together. You are all that we need! Your love reaches farther and deeper than we can ever imagine. Each and every orphan was knit together in their mother's womb by You and each one is precious to You. Please cover our Kaylee Grace ~ You know her intimately. You know how many hairs are on her head. You knew her before time began...and You knew that You'd bless us with her and entrust us with her precious life so that she may come to know You and feel Your love. Please let her be getting love from her caretakers. Let her be getting quality food that nourishes her body. May You knit our hearts together with hers even now by the power of Your Holy Spirit. Please help us to wait well...may we be patient to wait for Your timing and may we be drawn closer to Your Heart every day! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

"Audacious faith doesn't mean my prayers work every time. It means that God is working even when my prayers don't seem to be working at all." 
Sun Stand Still - Steven Furtick

Jesus is IN the pain...

When Jesus first put it on our heart to adopt I had two main fears. One was ~ would this take away from our 3 biological children in any way? That answer came right away as we have seen what a blessing this has already been for us all! The second fear was ~ would I be able to love an adopted child as I do our other three? Well, right when the Lord placed this precious girl on our hearts it felt instantly as if she was ours and I can honestly say that the love in our hearts became as real and deep for her as it is for our sweet three.......

And that is where our hurt comes from right now - we found out yesterday that she has been placed with another family. Our hearts are aching and broken but filled with so much hope and rejoicing that there will soon be 1 less orphan!!! We were called to love this child as our own - He made that very clear. We were called to pursue adopting her - and we have. This was His plan all along.

We do not understand. We do not have the answers.

But we DO trust Him - we DO know His plans are best.

He is fully in control and His Ways are SO far above our ways.

He is in the midst of all of our pain and all of our questions. Yesterday as I began to pray through this I cried out, "Jesus, why does this hurt so much? We never even held her but we so believed that she was ours and I let my heart fully love her. Lord, You woke me in the night sometimes to pray fervently for her, just as I would our other three. My heart is aching so much and I feel like I can't fully breathe."

And then I remembered my prayer from the very beginning of this adoption, "Lord, break our hearts for what breaks Yours. Break our hearts until we are moved to action! Break our hearts for the lost and the least. Our lives are not our own - let us live as Your Hands and Feet here on earth."

I really want to protect our children from pain and from hard stuff - it's our natural instinct as parents. So it is hard to see them hurting. But way more than that I want to see Christ formed in them. I want them to consider everything a loss compared to knowing Jesus (Philippians 3:7-10). I want them (all of us) to be His Hands and Feet - going where He goes and loving as He loves. And the truth is, Jesus is in the hard stuff, He is in the pain...He is in all things. The millions and millions of orphans who lie alone in a crib or orphanage, hungry and lonely but silent because no one comes when they cry... the tens of thousands of children who die every day from preventable diseases ... the countless widows who are all alone... the millions of children being trafficked and kept as slaves ....

 ~ Jesus is there ~ He is with them! 

And I believe that as Christ followers He calls us to go there with Him - to enter into pain, into injustice. We are the only hands and feet in which His Spirit can flow through to reach a lost and broken world.

He called us to love  and pray for this orphan as our own until she had a family of her own. Now we trust Him to continue leading us and I continue to beg Him, Lord, break our hearts for what breaks Yours - break us until we are moved to action. Let us not be deceived and think our lives are meant for us. They are not - our lives are not our own. You died so that we may live (abundantly now and eternally with You in Heaven - John 10:10). So we are to live fully for You now! You are LIGHT in darkness; when we cannot see, You light the way. You make beauty from ashes! So we give You this pain and trust You fully and thank You for the beauty that comes from following You - even into the hard places. And we say, "Lord, we are willing to follow You wherever" - but we know that it is even Your grace that makes us willing.

And thank You for JOY in the midst of hurting - joy that is a steady assurance that You are good ALL the time! Joy that brings hope and reminds us that YOU are all that we need. Joy that believes that with You ALL things are possible and nothing is too hard for You!

We praise You - You give and You take away and all things work together for the good of those who love You. You are above all and over all and in all and we trust You!

So we lay this precious one that You have called us to love as our own for this time in her life at Your Feet and ask above all that she will grow to know You and Your amazing love for her! Jesus, thank You that You set the lonely in families!!! (Psalm 68:6)