To Tell of His GRACE: Church

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Church

We went to church today as a family :) It was so good to see everyone and thank them all for their faithful prayers! However, it was just too much for sweet Kaylee--- she shut down right away in the carrier (I think she has gotten used to either sitting in my lap or burring her head into my shoulder and not having to make eye contact with me). We were going to sneak out the back at the end of service but she seemed to do okay once I took her out if the carrier and let her look around so I decided to let all those who have prayed so fervently say hello to her :). Even though she seemed ok with it, after we left I could tell it was too much for her- she completely shut down and wouldn't eat and was very agitated and fidgety :(. She fell asleep and as she was sleeping I got out some of my adoptive parenting books and we are going to get ourselves on track and start really following them in order to best set Kaylee up to win! The thing I have noticed the most with adoptive parenting research is that it is CONSISTENT! When our bio kids were young I bought every parenting book there was and learned right away that there were MANY different theories of how to best raise kids... Brod and I prayed and came up with a plan that seemed best for our family. Well, with adoptive parenting I did the same thing- went out and bought every book and read them all as we waited for sweet Kaylee to come home- but right away I noticed that every book said the same exact thing over and over ---all that to say that I am so thankful that God has given these doctors, psychologists and leading experts such wisdom and He has made it so clear what is BEST for these children who come from broken places. Therefore, we will do our best to follow what all the research says in order for Kalyee to learn to trust and form secure attachments. When she can begin to learn to trust, then she can begin to catch up developmentally and things like eating and speech will begin to develop. When these children are in a constant state of high stress or fear (when her world isn't small enough or when she feels unsafe) they can't learn or grow or bond or attach in that state- it's like their brains freeze up and growth just can't happen until they begin to feel safe --- this will take time. Now that we have had Kaylee home for a few days, we can see that she is still just in "survival" mode---we haven't made her world small enough for long enough so this is our goal for right now. It is the very opposite of our personalities :). We are all so social and connected with our friends and family. But more and more we are seeing that Kaylee needs this---so if we are a bit anti-social for a period of time, you will know why :)
I am also SO thankful for friends that God has placed in our lives that have gone before us and have beautiful attachments with their adopted children :) I talked with one of these sweet friends today and she really encouraged us to not go anywhere or do anything for the next few weeks and let Kaylee just adjust to us and our home. She also gave great advice for when visitors come - to ask them not to make eye contact or pay her any attention (just for this first little bit where she is learning to feel safe with us). She also encouraged me to pass her off to Brodie here and there now that we are home so she can start to bond with him. Here they are - I snapped this picture when I got out of the bath...