We got our Home Study and most of our Dossier done over the Summer. Brodie and I are both people that once we are in, we are ALL in! We figured if we were going to adopt, there was no better time then now. Plus we really believed that Jesus was calling us specifically at that time because our child was waiting, so we wanted to get our part done ASAP. As we worked on all of the paperwork we really began to pray that we would just KNOW who our daughter was the moment we saw her. We knew that when the referral(s) came, a quick decision would need to be made and we asked Him to just let our hearts know immediately who she was regardless of what her special need may be.
Well, in August we saw a picture of a little 7 month old baby who was not yet on the list of available children. My heart seemed to stop for a moment when I first saw her sweet face. I moved on to looking at and praying for the other children who were on the same Foster Home site in China but I couldn't get her out of my mind. I showed her to Brodie the next day just to see what he felt and he immediately picked up the phone and called our friend in medical school to find out more about her special need. He felt an instant connection to her as well! We were really hesitant at first because her need was not one that we were initially comfortable with - in fact it sacred us a lot! Our friend said that he'd do some research for us and get back to us.
We tried to reason that maybe she was standing out to us because we were to pray for her to be adopted ~ but we couldn't help but wonder if she really was ours. So we called our agency to see if it was even a possibility. They said, "No...do not get attached!" They said that it would be impossible for our family to be matched with her because she was not yet on the list and our paperwork was no where near getting to China and the timing of those two lining up was impossible. So again we tried to get her off our hearts and assumed we were to just pray for her. In the mean time we got a referral of a beautiful 9 month old baby girl who was missing her right hand - which was at the TOP of our list of special needs that we were comfortable with!!! We prayed about it and all of us felt a tugging on our hearts to the little girl we had felt the Lord 1st put on our hearts - we just couldn't get her off our hearts.
So when Brodie got home that day we took some time to really pray and seek the Lord together and we both felt strongly that we were to pursue the adoption of this baby girl who was "impossible" to get. Brodie picked up the phone and called our agency right away to let them know that Jesus was clearly leading us to pursue this baby girl and that we would like to hold off on all referrals until we know for certain one way or another. I think from that point on they have known that this isn't just some fleeting feeling that we are having towards a baby we saw, but that we are serious about pursuing her and doing whatever it takes to try and adopt her.
In December, just as our dossier was about to be logged into China, we found out that this sweet one was matched with another family. We were devastated at first - we truly loved her and prayed for her as our own. We were, on the other-hand, so thankful that there was ONE LESS ORPHAN in the world!!! As Brodie put it, now there will be two less because clearly God had another child for us! Looking back we can see two of the ways in which God used this sweet one in our lives: 1.) We received 2 other referrals that we would have accepted in an instant if our hearts were not already locked on pursuing this particular child (and now we know that neither of those precious children were our Kaylee Grace) and 2.) Deep down I had a fear that I would not be able to love an adopted child as much as our biological children - well, from the moment we say her face and felt God press her on our hearts to pray for her as our own I can tell you that fear left and I've never had a doubt again! And especially now that we know who our Kaylee Grace is - we'd do anything for her -we are fighting for her day and night as we CONSTANTLY pray for her!!! I can already tell that the love between bio children and adopted children is NO different...praise Jesus!!! They are all His and He calls us to love them for Him!!!
