"I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24

To Tell of His Grace

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The "REAL" Behind the Scenes of our Adoption (for those who are considering adoption...) Part 1

We have had a lot of people ask us what it is REALLY like in this stage of adoption. They say, "It looks like it's going so well from your blog...but we know there must be hard times." Well, truthfully, this blog started out for our sweet Kaylee Grace to be able to SEE God's Glory in her life...it is still very much that AND now also an online journal for our family to look back and enjoy memories of our daily life. SO....when I post it's really just a snapshot of something FUN that we did that day as a family. 

However, I am all about honesty and being real and I know that there are many who read this blog who are either in the process of adoption or considering it and I would never want to paint a picture that it is "fairytale like." But really, life right in the center of Jesus' invitation to join Him in caring for the least of these (the joyful times and the painful times) is FAR better than any fairytale!!! 

The JOY of doing life with Jesus has nothing to do with "easy" or "happy"...these are things that the world tells us we need. Not Jesus. He told us, "In this world you WILL have trouble." (Jn.16:33) "But take heart! I have overcome the world." The JOY that Jesus offers has nothing to do with our outward circumstances but rather our persistence in fixing our eyes on HIM...no matter what our circumstances are. As Christ followers we REJOICE that we are His children, we REJOICE that He is always with us, we REJOICE that we will live eternally with Him, we REJOICE that in Him we always have hope, we REJOICE that He cares about us...really cares! He alone is where JOY is found. 

In adoption,  He is calling us into pain.....He is calling us into brokenness...."In this world you will have trouble".  

He calls us to a very broken little life and says, "Will you love this one for Me? I love these little ones so much and I just need someone who is willing to enter into their brokenness with them and show them My Love." 

We knew this from the moment we felt Him call us to adopt...which is why I had such fear and so many "what if's" at first. Now that we are in the thick of it, I really feel that this has been what has helped us the most as we adjust to our "new normal". I am so thankful that we SAW Kaylee's orphanage. It was such a hard day...but the images I saw will forever be etched in my mind. The oppression I felt there, the severe neglect that was so evident...I am immediately reminded of these things when Kaylee is "healing" (this is what I like to call it...Jesus IS making her whole, and she needs to go through the pain, go through the anger, go through the deep sadness and loss in order to heal). 

So, our days are full of "healing"! We have times of such sweet JOY and belly laughs (mostly thanks to her funny brothers). We have times of such sad tantrums...sad because they are unlike any tantrum that a normal 2 year old throws. They come from a much deeper place...a place of deep sadness, deep confusion, deep pain. Many times there is nothing I can do but sit and cry with her. Sometimes she melts into me and lets me comfort her. And then I cry tears of JOY!  JOY that Jesus is letting me SEE some of the healing right before my very eyes...healing that only HE can bring! We have times of learning...learning how to play, how to share, how to sit and listen when being read to, how to be nice to the doggy ;)  We have times of normal tantrums where Mommy wouldn't let her run into the street or play with the knife from the dishwasher :)  We have times that are overwhelming and difficult and times where we laugh so hard as a family that we feel like our cheeks will break off. We have times of dancing...lots of dancing, where we blast praise music so loud and jump up and down. Sometimes I can't help but lift my hands and just take a moment to worship Him with my eyes shut - and then I open them and look to see that her hands are up, too, with her eyes squinting half shut copying me...and I laugh and pray so hard that one day those hands will be lifted up to Him KNOWING that He alone is worthy, that He alone is her Savior!!!

And I continue to pray that through this process our 3 big kids will "consider everything a loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus their Lord"!!! They too are learning that Jesus doesn't always call us to 'fun' and 'easy' things...following Jesus can be hard work at times and that's just how we learn to rely on HIM and not ourselves! It has been beautiful to see them begin to learn this :) And it has been such a blessing for Brodie and I to FULLY rest in Jesus and HIS WAYS...which are far beyond ours ;) We're so thankful for the privilege to join Him in this way. We love our sweet Kaylee Grace! 

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